Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Gratitude

1. Kids – they take you out of yourself. Babysitting also gives me a chance to be responsible for someone other than myself, which is a good feeling. It’s about the only time I really feel “grown up”, and that’s great. I love being young at heart but it’s also nice to experience another aspect of my self.

2. Insight. When I figure something out, it feels like a piece of this grand, confusing puzzle has slid into place. Of course it’s only a small part, and the feeling goes away in the chaos that is my life process, but it gives me a new perspective and angle at which to approach living. Today I realized my priorities weren’t working for me – that I want to focus on becoming financially independent before I can really get down to healing myself. I’ve tried to force myself to focus on healing first, but it is just not working, and all I was left with were feelings of guilt because I couldn’t get myself to stick with it. Plus, if I have more money, I can actually get proper help, and therefore my healing will have a better chance at being successful and sustainable. I’d love to be able to afford massage, chiropractic, yoga classes and swim passes. I think those things would help immensely.

3. Free online help, specifically audio recordings of guided meditations and breathing exercises. I think they will be a big help getting started being able to sit.

4. Buddha. I just love his teachings. I love that at the core, Buddhism is so simple and “unreligious”. I’m not talking about the ten thousand things that his teachings developed into, the deities and monasteries and mandalas and such, but the very basic things that he taught: the four noble truths, the three characteristics of existence, the eightfold path. They explain everything, and are the only tools a person needs to achieve spiritual progress. Everything else in buddhism follows from them, and it is all very interesting and amazing, but one can return to the basics to find the golden nugget of pure truth, and it’s so refreshing and inspiring every time.

5. Blue skies. Sometimes just looking up can release you from your self-created prison. I look up, I open up, I let go.

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I sometimes write things that I don't really mean or believe. These are not to be taken literally, nor as definitive statements about me or my beliefs. Thoughts and emotions are transient, and I reserve the right to change my mind, generalize, exaggerate, give strong opinions, or write other possibly offensive statements. I don't lie, but I may say something that's not true to check whether I believe it or not, or to make a point. Call it creative license. This is my blog, and do have the right to say what I want. I'm using it in creatively therapeutic ways. Whatever the reader may think of me and my words, please believe that my core intentions are always good and I never willingly hurt anyone.