Friday, May 25, 2007

Gratitude for 25/5/07

1. Effexor. I can actually look people in the eyes, and talk to people I haven’t seen in years! I no longer feel disconnected, isolated, alienated…and so less depressed. I even enjoy strange old ladies.

2. Increasing daylight and warmer weather. If I had to live in perpetual winter, I think I would, well, decide not to live. Spring brings all those smells you forget, and the sky opens with endless possiblities. You can just enjoy walking around outside, without any destination.

3. That I don’t have a crappy job which would also make me not want to live. I’ve got to do something meaningful, something I like, and something I’m good at. I don’t like being an expendable ensign.

4. Animals. They just make me smile, no matter what.

5. Forgiveness. I thought I’d burned a lot of bridges with a lot of people, but that’s turning out not to be true. Now, I just need to forgive myself a little more!

Does blogging count?

Goal: Journal regularly.
I guess it does. I’m writing a tonne about my life and activities just on 43things and Blogger. I really do miss the pen and paper thing though.

Progress: learning to sew

I put a sewing machine on my Wishlist (http://wishlist.com/mmartin) last night.

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my body is aching for backbends!

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Well, I stayed up late last night watching movies and organizing my favourites on my computer. I was so exhausted from getting up early I could barely move, and had trouble getting to sleep. This morning I woke up at 10 am, which is not so bad I guess considering my usual time is after 12, sometimes WAY after 12. I think I might try having an afternoon nap on the days I get up at 8 or earlier.

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I took it out of the bathroom today and thought about starting to put it together. I don’t know why it scares me so much. I think I’m afraid of getting frusterated with it.

So far

I’ve read a couple books about single stigmatization, the best one is called “Singled Out: How Singles are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored” by Bella Depaulo Ph.D. It really made me start thinking about this issue as an issue. I realized that I co-operate with the stigma by making fun of myself for being single, when really it’s a personal choice I’ve made and there’s nothing wrong with it. Apparently, older women who’ve always been single are the happiest people, tied with those who’ve stayed married. So there’s no benefit in being married in terms of happiness.

I’ve also visited a website long ago about people who choose to remain childess. I’m sure they are stigmatized as well, left out of gatherings with their other coupled friends because there’s no kids to bring along.

I’m thinking about starting a Causes group for this on Facebook. But I think I have to find a suitable charity foundation for donations! I’m not sure there’s one out there yet, and I’m not up to creating one. Maybe someday.

Did some research

on the internet yesterday. I first went to www.edacwr.com and got some information on programs available from www.nedic.ca on a program running in several places in Southwestern Ontario. I can self-refer to the one out of Guelph, so the next step is to call them. It’s an out-patient program, covered by OHIP, so that’s good. I can probably get transportation covered by ODSP if I have to go out of town.

However, I binged crazily yesterday too, so I guess my efforts were neutralized in a way. I woke up this morning with a carb hangover.

Yesterday

I ate pea soup semi-mindfully. At least it was at the kitchen table, that’s a start.

More Facebook Groups

I joined a couple environmentally-oriented causes on Facebook, including Stop Global Warming and the Green Challenge or something. I’m pretty poor so I don’t consume a lot, I recycle every scrap of paper and everything else that’s recyclable, I buy stuff from second-hand stores. I wish I could afford fair trade things and organic produce but I’m not at that point financially yet. I’m lucky I live in a new building which was designed to be somewhat energy efficient. I don’t own a car, so I walk or take the bus. I have fibromyalgia so riding my bike is too painful. I’d like to get a moped or even a more comfortable bicycle someday. I try not to get too many bags at the grocery store, but the ones I do get I reuse or recycle.

I’ve tried to change my cat litter to more environmentally friendly types, like recycled newspaper (Yesterdays News brand), those crystal kinds, wood shavings etc. but none of them work very well – they either track more, smell worse, or don’t clump (which makes you have to use more), than clay (which is strip-mined). I’ve heard about wheat litter but haven’t been able to find it at any stores here (ontario).

I try to buy food in bulk or that has less packaging. I also try to buy more fresh and local foods, but since I am only one person, they go bad very quickly and going to the store everyday isn’t good for the environment either, since i have to take the bus. I try to avoid buying anything plastic, especially containing PVC.

I worry a lot about the coming weather changes, keep reminding people who consume more about global warming, and get angry at politicians who aren’t doing enough, though I don’t know if any of that is helpful! I give energy-saving coupons to my family if I can’t use them, to encourage them to make small changes. I like to learn about new products and energy systems. I watch documentaries about the environment and try to stay informed. I don’t feel like I’m doing nearly enough, but I’m doing what I can with such limited finances!

A start - fight for animal rights

I joined a couple of animal rights causes on facebook, and invited some other people. Since I can’t afford to donate money, I’m going to have to figure out how else I can help!

Animal rights has always been a cause I’m interested in. I can watch human violence on t.v. and hardly blink, but if I see an animal being abused, my heart cracks wide open and bleeds. It hurts so much, because they are so helpless and I can’t understand how anyone can look at an animal and want to exploit it instead of care for it. I know that some people just don’t care for animals, but being disinterested is not the same as being cruel. These people don’t have pets or work with animals, so they’re not doing any harm. But someone who purposefully gets involved with an animal and then hurts or neglects it is flatly an immoral, unethical person.

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I sometimes write things that I don't really mean or believe. These are not to be taken literally, nor as definitive statements about me or my beliefs. Thoughts and emotions are transient, and I reserve the right to change my mind, generalize, exaggerate, give strong opinions, or write other possibly offensive statements. I don't lie, but I may say something that's not true to check whether I believe it or not, or to make a point. Call it creative license. This is my blog, and do have the right to say what I want. I'm using it in creatively therapeutic ways. Whatever the reader may think of me and my words, please believe that my core intentions are always good and I never willingly hurt anyone.