Monday, May 28, 2007

Out of control sleeping

I’m completely backwards right now. I didn’t sleep last night, and I slept today from 10am to 6pm, but to be fair, I was sick.

I thought about it...

eating my dinner mindfully that is. But I was watching 24 and didn’t want to wait. Terrible, I know. But I did notice how good my stir-fry was, and I noticed that I wasn’t eating mindfully, so that’s somethin’ I guess.

I missed yesterday

Not a good start, but to defend myself (against my superego) I was having really bad stomach cramps and didn’t even get any sleep. I missed today too, since it’s already past midnight, but there’s still some residual cramping. Obviously I didn’t make it to the community yoga class today. Hopefully tomorrow I will have a bit more energy and my stomach will be settled. I’d hate to think I was getting an ulcer.

A few minutes late: Gratitude for May 27

1. Chamomile tea. This is the tea that got me started drinking tea, since I couldn’t take the fruity types. It’s just good for everything. I wish I could drink it every day but apparently you aren’t supposed to, since it can cause allergies to ragweed (same plant family).

2. The body’s ability to heal itself. I can’t think of a more fantastic thing than that.

3. Friends who care. I’ve had some nice sympathy and caring remarks from a few people during this horrible weekend. It is really nice just to know they wish me well.

4. My vitamix. I made a really cool raspberry sherbet for dessert tonight! It’s so easy and takes only a minute with the vitamix.

5. My meds. I hate having to take them, but I have to give them props today, for taking away the worst of my aches and giving me enough energy to actually make a healthy meal.

Vegetarian day

Well, I did not have much choice, since I have no money and no animal products at home, but I ate no meat or dairy today. I actually made this awesome stirfry:

onions
garlic
edamame
shitake mushrooms
broccoli
carrots

I sauteed the onions and garlic in olive oil, and then added a little ginger tea to cook the rest of the vegetables. I added sea salt at the end, and served it on a bed of organic lettuce. It was the best stirfry I’ve made in years, and it was only with the stuff I had left in my vegetable drawer! Very healthy too, I must say.

For dessert I made a kind of raspberry sherbert thing in my vitamix – frozen raspberries, a little tofu, cranberry pomegranite juice, splenda and ice cubes. It was pretty good and only took a minute!

This past weekend I think I hit my bottom when it comes to food. I was up all last night with stomach cramps, terrible ones. I’ve had them before – 3 years ago they sent me to the hospital. I did a lot of breathing and rubbing my stomach and chamomile tea seemed to help a bit. I think I am just seriously run down, and have really been filling myself with junk lately. I made a promise to myself that I will NEVER let myself feel this bad again. I want to remember this weekend. I want it to be pivotal, as hitting bottom is for alcoholics. I feel so very toxic, and I am through with feeling that way.

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I sometimes write things that I don't really mean or believe. These are not to be taken literally, nor as definitive statements about me or my beliefs. Thoughts and emotions are transient, and I reserve the right to change my mind, generalize, exaggerate, give strong opinions, or write other possibly offensive statements. I don't lie, but I may say something that's not true to check whether I believe it or not, or to make a point. Call it creative license. This is my blog, and do have the right to say what I want. I'm using it in creatively therapeutic ways. Whatever the reader may think of me and my words, please believe that my core intentions are always good and I never willingly hurt anyone.