Well, things have not been fun with this "internet dating" thing. This morning I got an email from the man who did not call me back yesterday, asking if we could get together. He didn't even mention what happened with the phone. So I asked him, what happened, told him I felt like crap all evening and that I knew this wasn't a "relationship" but I still deserve some respect. He replied that his phone battery died and that I didn't answer his question about getting together. Didn't even apologize for not letting me know what was going on. I told him maybe I was sensitive and afraid of being taken advantage of, but that I was hurt yesterday. He responded with, "Well I think you are too sensitive for me, take care". I just emailed him an "ok". What I wanted to say was that no, he was too INsensitive for ME. At first I started doubting myself, thinking maybe I was too sensitive, but the more I thought about it the more it became clear that there was a deteriorating sense of respect from him in our most recent interactions. At first he seemed really decent, but then I started to get the feeling he was testing me to see how far he could push me. Well, I'm not willing to go there. So, I felt sad at first, even cried a bit, because of course it still hurts to be rejected, even by an asshole. But mostly I am just relieved I was able to get out of it before I got involved. I may not be looking for anything serious, but I still want to be treated like a person, I still want to be liked and respected.
So, I was supposed to meet another guy today. He seemed really sweet and decent in our e-mail conversations. But I got stood up. I sat there drinking my coffee for half-an-hour. At first I felt like a real fool, but whatever. As far as anyone was concerned I was just sitting on a bench drinking coffee. I mean, it was a let down, because I thought this one could turn out well. I sent him an email asking what happened (is there an echo in here?), and that I was willing to forgive being stood up ONCE, if there was a reason for it. I have a feeling he just chickened out. He also has a 3 year old child so something could have happened there. I hope to hear back from him just to let me know what's going on. If he decided he didn't want to meet me after all I'd just like to know that too.
I'm starting to think I struck gold with the person I met on Sunday and I should just quit while I'm ahead, you know? I had a crappy email exchange with another guy today - he wanted to get together tomorrow, and I said I'd like a bit more time, how was the weekend...he wrote back that he really wanted to come tomorrow, so I explained that I was having coffee with someone already tomorrow, and also busy the next day. He sent me back a reply saying that bringing up "the competition" was a good way to kill potential, that he wasn't willing to share, and wished me luck. So I said I sincerely wasn't trying to bring up competition, just to explain why I couldn't meet him until the weekend, and that I wasn't looking to "share", but I wanted a little freedom this week to see what's out there. I mean do these guys really think they are the only one that responded to my ad, or that I would only want to meet one person before rejecting everyone else? I haven't dated for OVER FIVE YEARS. Give me a week to see my options. Well, I guess I should've put emotional maturity as a requirement in my ad. Not that any of them would admit they weren't. I talked on MSN with a 23 year old who kept calling me "hun" (which I HATE), and couldn't remember which ad was mine. To be fair, I asked him to go back and read the ad, and get back to me later. He did, and gave me a custom-tailored explanation of what he was looking for. Which is to say he was looking for anything, but wanted to sound good to me. I tried to be open-minded. But the fact that he "talked" like he wanted to "party", and his profile picture had him topless, with a huge smile and basically giving two wild thumbs up (I guess you have to see it to get what I mean), and his over-use of the phrases "hun", "lol" and "!!!!" just turned me right off. The clincher came when I said I thought he was just too young for me (my ad includes my age), he replied, "Wow, well good luck going out with guys who don't know how to go down on a girl properly". And this is after he'd made a comment earlier about not wasting each other's time if we weren't right for each other - but this was obviously meant to instigate an argument or something. I wanted to say "oh please, you think you are the only guy in the world who knows how to lick a pussy?" but I just blocked him. Emotional maturity. Those who don't have it don't even know what it is. It is about not being vengeful if I politely decline (unlike another guy who called me a "CUNT" when I did so), and understanding that they are not the only person in the world who might interest me. I mean most of this stuff is just amusing, and to be expected, it comes with the territory of internet-dating. But I am really incredulous that the 36 year old guy who was emailing me today couldn't deal with the fact that I wanted to just meet someone other than him. At least he was polite about it and said he'd enjoyed conversing with me. That's something I guess.
So, I emailed the person I am supposed to meet tomorrow night and asked him if he had an issue with me having coffee with more than just him this week. He's older, so I don't think he will, but I don't need anymore bad experiences and unexpected temper tantrums. I could just lie to these people, but I am a bad liar for one, and I really don't think I should have to lie about this. I was very straight-forward in my ad, and continue to be straight-forward in dealing with the responses. I think that is a good thing, and am at least getting honesty in return. You have to give respect in order to get it, and I think I have been very respectful so far. I just plain hate lying and liars. There's no point, especially in relationships, because the truth is going to come out eventually (at least with me anyway), somehow, whether it be by body-language, confession or mistake. Then things can get really messy, when you are already involved. I want to avoid all that crap. That is my condition for dating, NO CRAP! Is that too much to ask?
Well, I have just one more "coffee" booked. There is another person who I might meet, but his picture kind of freaked me out - it was his eyes, they are very intense. He also reminds me of my first boyfriend, and that makes me queasy. But he seems very nice and to want the same things, so I'm debating whether or not to give him a chance. Of course, I could also re-post my ad, but I think that would really hurt the nice guy I met on Sunday. So, I'll hold off. Besides, if I have one more bad experience I'm not going to want to meet anyone else for awhile. This business can be really disheartening.
Note: I just got an email from the guy who stood me up, saying he was at the hospital with his child who had a sore stomach...so today was not a total wash after all...
I sometimes write things that I don't really mean or believe. These are not to be taken literally, nor as definitive statements about me or my beliefs. Thoughts and emotions are transient, and I reserve the right to change my mind, generalize, exaggerate, give strong opinions, or write other possibly offensive statements. I don't lie, but I may say something that's not true to check whether I believe it or not, or to make a point. Call it creative license. This is my blog, and do have the right to say what I want. I'm using it in creatively therapeutic ways. Whatever the reader may think of me and my words, please believe that my core intentions are always good and I never willingly hurt anyone.