tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-256904002011-07-07T23:55:00.403-04:00Where I crack open my psyche, peel the onion of my 'self',<br> and put me back together again - better, stronger, happier. <br>If you are on any kind of healing journey, you may find yourself here.perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.comBlogger1881100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-63809544917398000882010-04-27T19:32:00.002-04:002010-04-27T19:43:25.251-04:00

I've been doing a little better. I'm not sure why, as I've fallen of the Paleo wagon. I'm still not eating a LOT of grains, but it's so hard to be strict for so long. The only things that could be causing my having more energy: 1) I'm coming off Effexor - very slowly and carefully. I reduced from 225mg to 150mg/day for a month, and now I'm down to 75mg/day for a month. After that, I'll be off it.

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-51031085637317524702010-02-21T08:07:00.002-05:002010-02-21T08:15:14.839-05:00

Weight: 205lb (clothed) 202lb (naked)Chest: 45.5 inchesWaist: 41 Hips: 47.5So it seems like I gained half an inch on my chest and hips, but it could also be that I'm not measuring in the exact right places, or that I'm wearing a different bra - I think the latter is the case, the one I have on is a bit thicker than what I usually wear. For the last week or so I've been eating nothing but fruit,

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-23966220657029127732010-02-16T10:17:00.003-05:002010-02-16T11:13:22.330-05:00

I've spent the last 3 or 4 days (hard to know how long, really) in bed, reading and sleeping. When I put my book down I've spent some moments thinking, despairing, philosophizing. Not happy thoughts, so I don't spend much time doing that. Maybe a week or so ago I was feeling pretty rough, and I went off the Paleo wagon and ate junk. I figured I'd suffer a few days and then be fine again, but I

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-16736008921013113272010-02-06T18:06:00.001-05:002010-02-06T18:06:41.987-05:00

I started on the Paleo Diet at the beginning of January, which is a grain-free diet. I have had a few chocolate bars, but only one bread product. I’ve noticed my fibro/myofascial pain in my legs has been significantly reduced, and as of today I’ve lost 5lbs and several inches on my bust, hips and waist. I have also had quite a bit more energy. All good reasons to continue! It was really hard at

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-79677184890713040882010-02-05T00:30:00.003-05:002010-02-05T00:35:46.623-05:00

It's been about 3 weeks since I last measured. I'm having a lot less leg pain, well, except for today. Not sure what it's about today, but in general. I've had a few non-Paleo treats, but nothing like a binge. In a few days I will be cutting out the last of my dairy and replacing my coffee cream with almond milk. Weight: 212lbChest: 45 inchesWaist: 41.5Hips: 47I've lost an inch or inch and a half

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-62455492192425873052010-01-13T08:48:00.002-05:002010-01-13T08:50:43.876-05:00

I've already started to lose weight, so I'd better put up my measurements!Weight (clothed): 215 lbBust: 46.5 inchesWaist: 43 inchesHips: 49 inchesCan't think of anything else to measure that's as important as those. I'm not going to measure each leg and arm, that seems a bit excessive. Just for fun, my shoe size is 8.5. I don't expect that to change ;p

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-31809140018225465662010-01-13T06:17:00.002-05:002010-01-13T06:34:25.520-05:00

I've had a lot of positive responses to my last post, and a lot of questions about the Paleo Diet. Also called the Paleolithic, Caveman, Hunter-Gatherer or Primal Diet, it's a way of eating that returns to our pre-agricultural menu. It's a low-carb diet, with no grains and most beans. The rule of thumb to go by - if you can't eat it raw, it's not allowed. That includes grains like wheat and rice,

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-9644966471977058632010-01-11T09:00:00.002-05:002010-01-11T09:20:32.780-05:00

So. I was going to start a whole 'nother blog to chronicle my health progress this year. But geez, I already have a Tumblr, Facebook, this blog...and a caringbridge health site. I thought about doing it on the caringbridge site, but I've decided to do it here. All in one place is good for me, and this blog doesn't get enough posts anyway. Here's the story:On Dec 29, my pain doctor informed me

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-70938133752743239232009-12-25T21:48:00.002-05:002009-12-25T21:51:30.581-05:00

Currently Reading: A Touch of DeadNumber of Pages Read: 112Books Read (number and titles): 1, Wrinkle In TimeTotal pages read: 323I've just spent the last couple hours reading in the bathtub. I finished 3 of the 5 stories in A Touch of Dead. They aren't that great, but I'll finish the book, since I've finished everything else in the Sookie Stackhouse series! I'll be taking myself and my book to

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-76944015425095105912009-12-25T19:16:00.002-05:002009-12-25T19:19:58.365-05:00

Just finished listening to A Wrinkle In Time! Now I think I'm going to take a bath and start A Touch of Dead.Currently Reading: A Touch of DeadNumber of Pages Read: 0Books Read (number and titles): 1, Wrinkle In TimeTotal pages read: 211

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-68612544580807396932009-12-25T15:42:00.003-05:002009-12-25T15:45:37.704-05:00

I've been listening to A Wrinkle in Time on audiobook, read by the author, so I don't know what page I'm on, but I'm on audiobook chapter 6. I'm really enjoying this story again! So far I've only heard from a few of us doing the readathon, @gretyfriend, @mossjon @lavender_lines & @lyndafern, but I know there are some others who are going to be trying to do a little reading today too :D I feel a

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-20641507703453146092009-12-25T12:55:00.003-05:002009-12-25T14:02:29.121-05:00

Well, I'm really late for my own party. My cold kept me up late last night unable to breathe, so I slept in. It's not any better today, but I think I'm okay to read! I'll be starting with a story or two from A Touch of Dead by Charlaine Harris - short stories set in between the Sookie Stackhouse novels. We've had some late joiners, so please checkout the #XmasReadathon hashtag on twitter (use

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-49124478461297203872009-12-23T21:41:00.007-05:002009-12-25T13:10:33.443-05:00

So, I’ve got a bad cold, and a family gathering on the 26th, which means I won’t be able to stay up 24 hours. This is an informal readathon, but here are some guidelines for participation:1. Start reading whenever you get up - let’s not torture ourselves by crawling out of bed on a cold morning before we are ready! Of course, nobody’s asking you to get out of bed at all, really, if you can tweet

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-85884163963851032592009-12-06T09:57:00.002-05:002009-12-06T10:03:00.842-05:00

I gave myself an extra hour because I didn't actually start reading until 10 a.m. yesterday. Alas, I didn't quite finish the third book. But, I DID finish the Readathon, so yipeee! I think I'll have to celebrate properly later, as I'm pooped, verily done for, of course!Currently Reading: The Escher TwistPages Read: 192Total Books Finished: 2 (Lover Enshrined, A Separate Peace)Total Pages Read:

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-47398825615760997122009-12-06T07:03:00.002-05:002009-12-06T07:18:12.928-05:00

I had to get out of the bath to make this update. The nice, warm, soothing bath! Oh yeah, I'm so hard done by, right? Having the leisure to stay up all night reading, such a tough life. LOL. Well. I'm enjoying The Escher Twist a lot. It's still a light read, but I'm a bit uncertain where I stand with it. When I picked the book up, I thought it would be a straightforward type of thing, like a

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-69534827853756125322009-12-06T05:01:00.002-05:002009-12-06T05:09:34.851-05:00

Antsy-ness gone. I think because I hardly did any reading in the last couple hours. I did quite a bit of tweeting tho, and it took me a few minutes to settle on another book to read. I grabbed Timothy Findlay's The Wars first, because it was slim - 190 pages (though small text). But then as I opened it up I realized I'd tried to read it before, and it was slow and rather vague and sort of boring.

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-10192257008614343752009-12-06T03:11:00.004-05:002009-12-06T03:48:34.353-05:00

Oh LAWD am I getting antsy. I think doing that sun salutation to get my blood flowing to my frigid hands and feet had the adverse effect of getting my blood flowing in general. I had a mess of a time sitting still to finish A Separate Peace, but I did 'er. And I had so much interest from my tweeps about it (well, okay about 3 of them) that I did a li'l rambling on Goodreads: http://

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-62950677487377846972009-12-06T01:01:00.002-05:002009-12-06T01:12:29.467-05:00

I'm struggling with a serious case of the space-outs. I think I just spent the last five minutes of reading not actually reading, but listening to Diana Krall, rubbing my shoulder and thinking about - I have no idea. I've also got some intermittent funkiness going on in my intestines and I'm freezing again. But otherwise things are great! Well...maybe not great. The book isn't capturing my

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-73458413043326415222009-12-05T23:47:00.002-05:002009-12-05T23:53:19.681-05:00

Readathon MadLibs, what could be more fun?! Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And yes, I may be suffering from hour 15 madness!Once upon a time in the land of The Far Commons, there lived Phineas and Mr. Patch-Withers happily ever after. Is that not how the story always goes?!? On the night before the first day of school, Phineas was sleeping peacefully when all of a sudden there was a flinch. S/he

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-473412873889024812009-12-05T23:28:00.003-05:002009-12-05T23:39:30.447-05:00

Over at Chick Loves Lit, we've been asked about our favourite reading spot. I call mine "The Nook" - it's a day bed wedged between a big window-ledge piled high with bookshelves and the refridgerator. Tonnes of pillows and blankets, and also ever-present is my dog, Daisy. Sometimes present also is my cat, Loki! Picture of The NookName of the book you're currently reading: A Separate Peace by John

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-76692415891420477842009-12-05T23:02:00.002-05:002009-12-05T23:09:36.557-05:00

Stats:Currently Reading: A Separate PeacePages Read: 119Total Books Finished: 1 (Lover Enshrined)Total Pages Read: 492Total Time Spent Reading: 9 hoursI am starting to feel like ass, but I'm actually really enjoying this book. Which is suprising, since nothing at all seems to be happening in it. I can't really put my finger on what is so enthralling, but it must be that stuff that goes on between

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-31917662368256125542009-12-05T21:02:00.002-05:002009-12-05T21:12:27.731-05:00

Dutifully I blog again. I finished Lover Enshrined, finally. It ended on a sweet note that did not leave me groping for the next in the series, so I scanned my book shelf and picked out the thinnest volume I haven't yet read: A Separate Peace, by John Knowles. The first five pages nearly bored me to tears, but then the book flashed back into the past and I'm inexplicably hooked by this story of

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-34420724676964885742009-12-05T19:08:00.003-05:002009-12-05T19:26:47.909-05:00

AAH! I almost made it, but not quite! I have just a few pages left til the end of this book. I still don't know what I'm going to read next, but I'm fairly sure it's not going to be the next book in the series - I've read 6 in a row and I need a break from The Brotherhood! Stats:Books Read: Lover EnshrinedPages Read: 360Total Books Finished: 0Total Pages Read: 360Total Time Spent Reading: 6.5

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-68417869682636085912009-12-05T16:59:00.002-05:002009-12-05T17:11:54.529-05:00

I just spent the last half hour or so in the shower, trying to warm up. My thermostat is set as it always is, at 22 (Celsius!), but for some reason the cold outside is creeping in here in ways unregistered by that particular gadget! And no, it's not because I've been especially sedentary reading all day - I am always rather sedantary. For those of you not familiar with me, it's because I have

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-82092329551819829772009-12-05T15:26:00.002-05:002009-12-05T15:33:45.103-05:00

Over at Seriously Reading, Emily talks about (and shows) some of her favourite book covers. Honestly I know there are some covers I have stared at for long minutes, but the only ones that come to mind at the moment are the covers for the Twilight Series. They are just gorgeous. I think my favourite is the last - Breaking Dawn, because it has a bit more interest and depth to it. But together they

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-41752518686540547642009-12-05T14:59:00.003-05:002009-12-05T15:13:52.853-05:00

Update time again already? My book must be pretty good, since time seems to fly when I'm reading it! Stats: Books Read: Lover EnshrinedPages Read: 243Total Books Finished: 0Total Pages Read: 243Total Time Spent Reading: 4.25 hoursI have about 100 pages left of my book. Depending on how cliff-hangerish the ending is, I do have the next book in the series, Lover Avenged, to go to as an option. Had

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-87255659275139297222009-12-05T13:09:00.003-05:002009-12-05T13:26:08.704-05:00

I'm not getting very far, it seems, but then there's 24 hours to this thing ain't there! My stats:Books Read: Lover EnshrinedPages Read: 179Total Books Finished: 0Total Pages Read: 179Total Time Spent Reading: 3 hoursMy friend J called me on the phone and we chatted for about 15 minutes, and then I spent 6 minutes watching the 'break' video over at Dreadlock Girl Reads - it's the evolution of

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-34627899075440394502009-12-05T11:27:00.002-05:002009-12-05T11:34:17.271-05:00

Books Read: Lover EnshrinedPages Read: aprrox 75Total Books Finished: 0Total Pages Read: 75Total Time Spent Reading: 1.25 hoursI didn't get started until after 10 a.m., I had to take the dog out and make something to eat...I don't know where that hour went LOL. I'm trying to get through this book as fast as I can, because there's not much I can comment on - it's the 6th in a series and is playing

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-25641341898641443652009-12-05T09:07:00.003-05:002009-12-05T09:20:08.684-05:00

Readathon started about 10 minutes ago, I'm ready! Most of my days already qualify as a readathon anyway, but today is special :) This is my very first readathon and I'm really happy to be participating. I don't have any theme in mind, and as a matter of fact I can not decide what to read! Which might turn out to be in my favour since I have lots of options if I get sick of one thing. Right now

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-77115567642412974302009-11-26T13:56:00.002-05:002009-11-26T14:52:47.424-05:00

Four or five years ago, my doctor prescribed me Effexor. At the time, I had a serious social anxiety problem (Social Anxiety Disorder), which was so severe, I was continually being traumatized in social settings and suffering PTSD symptoms: intrusive thoughts and flashbacks (re-living every possible social blunder over and over as if it were happening again, including the bodily responses that go

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-70460788363807764582009-11-23T18:05:00.005-05:002009-11-23T19:10:00.411-05:00

So, on friday night, I blogged on my Tumblr (where I put funny pictures and short pieces) about, well, read: Went for a walk to clear my head and instead got a mind-full.Let me just begin by saying that physically a walk was probably a bad idea, but sometimes mental health has to take precedence. I needed some fresh air.I walked down the alley beside by building with my dog, and came upon a lone

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-29836502907867246102009-11-09T22:46:00.004-05:002009-11-09T23:27:30.479-05:00

The two topics in the title are somewhat related. "The Drama" is so named because I've been successful in weeding out people who thrive on drama (I call them crisis-addicts) and people who create drama unwittingly because they are liars. I got fooled though, in this one case. So there is only one drama in my life, so it is called THE Drama. I'm speaking, of course, of the cowardly vengefulness of

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-92020218724326870242009-11-08T12:13:00.003-05:002009-11-08T12:55:24.702-05:00

I was taking a bath earlier today, and I looked down and noticed I was lactating a little. Odd. The chances of me being pregnant I estimate at a billion to one. Yes, I have had sex in the last nine months. But previous to that, I had an IUD implanted, and I bled every day for six months afterwards (sometimes a little, sometimes a lot). Since September I have had a couple of unusual periods, if

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-24563667429021987932009-11-07T19:55:00.005-05:002009-11-07T20:31:05.520-05:00

Where to begin? This is a long tale, but I am very much in need of telling it. I am angry as hell, and I need to get it off my chest. If the offending party still reads my blog, he should be forewarned that this ain't gonna be pretty. I'm leaving names out, but anyone who knows me will know who I'm talking about. Let's begin.Six or seven years ago, my cousin married a lovely, kind, soft-spoken

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-67803928115382952052009-11-05T09:27:00.003-05:002009-11-05T10:55:55.582-05:00

I let a lot of ignorant behaviours wash over me, because I like to pick my battles. But there are a few things that really get to me, and people's well-intentioned, persistent or repeated suggestions about what I should be doing with my time and money is one of them. Worse still is when they are suggestions coming from someone who is or has been ill with a similar illness as mine. "It worked for

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-84621052296867443402009-10-21T16:27:00.004-04:002009-10-21T17:48:06.597-04:00

A few days ago, Dave Ryan finally issued us our due apology for saying people who claim to have fibromyalgia should be shot. It appears on his radio station's website here.I would like to make a sincere apology to those whom I have offended with what turned out to be very hurtful remarks via my Twitter account last Saturday. I made a thoughtless and mean-spirited tweet about Fibromyalgia that

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-59354836082624822392009-10-15T13:10:00.005-04:002009-11-21T00:57:43.720-05:00

Petition for Fibromyalgia Sufferers Against Dave Ryan: http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/FMSagainstDave/ Please sign and support the rights of fibromyalgia sufferers to be treated with dignity and respect!Fibromyalgia Sufferers Against Dave Ryan (the Facebook Cause started by Jessica Barto) has gained 1349 members in the two days it's been active! Donations can be made directly from the Cause to

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-8177432774313181242009-10-13T17:03:00.008-04:002009-11-21T00:58:21.458-05:00

On October 10, Dave Ryan, a morning show host for KDWB in Minneapolis, Minnesota, tweeted that people who claim to have fibromyalgia should be shot.When the large group of fibro sufferers on Twitter caught wind of this, we were outraged. This is exactly the type of stigma and disbelief we have to put up with from doctors, families, friends and nay-sayers all over the world. We re-tweeted his

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-17156354736464568712009-09-13T23:47:00.005-04:002009-09-14T00:58:22.954-04:00

This post is not meant to split hairs, or invalidate anyone suffering from any illness. This week is Invisible Illness Awareness Week, and I've been thinking about what specific aspect to write about. It strikes me that more illnesses are invisible than not, so are we justified in classifying ourselves as "special"? Someone with a skin disease, a missing or deformed limb, or other visible sign of

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-38142778430621291012009-09-03T11:03:00.002-04:002009-09-03T12:02:10.865-04:00

We’ve all seen the list “20 things about me” “50 thing about me you didn’t know…” They can actually be interesting if you want to get to know the person better! We’ll we’ve got one I haven’t seen anywhere yet, “30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know.”Just copy and paste it below and put it up on your blog, send it to your friends, paste in on Facebook (if it’s too long put it in

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-34020313322453997362009-08-11T22:48:00.005-04:002009-08-11T23:12:51.167-04:00

In the end what matters most isHow well did you live?How well did you love?How well did you learn to let go?I have a banner in my apartment that has this quote on it. It's nice, right? It's true, right? Yet somehow it always seemed a little empty to me...like I didn't understand it on any deep level. And then.The other night I watched a DVD called Encounters at the End of the World. I thought it

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-59786247029746268342009-08-11T22:24:00.003-04:002009-08-11T23:17:47.779-04:00

Through therapy I have made progress on this goal. It’s about a lot of things, and I’ve written a lot about procrastination and motivation on my process blog http://perpetualspiral.blogspot.comSurprisingly (to me anyway) a big issue is Faith. Faith in myself, or belief in myself. I’ve gotten a lot of great support from my new online friends who are constantly saying nice things about my abilities

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-59963867946115879682009-08-11T21:54:00.002-04:002009-08-11T23:16:56.192-04:00

"I looked online and found a lot of people who are very nice"How I did it: I joined Twitter, and I placed an ad in the friendship personals section on kijiji. I did meet a friend in real life, but most of my new friends are online - ok for me since I have chronic illness and can't go out socially very frequently. Amazing group of friends on twitter, like having my own 24 hour support network. It

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-81257475635951873512009-08-09T05:20:00.003-04:002009-08-09T05:24:49.158-04:00

I've been thinking of ways to comfort and distract myself tonight, since my Twitter tweets are apparently invisible, or more probably nobody wants to talk to me when I'm like this. So here's what I've come up withtidying/cleaning sudokuknittingreading an engrossing fiction book, preferably by a familiar authorThings that won't help include taking a bath or shower since I'm bound to think about

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-20727531247440721642009-08-09T03:35:00.005-04:002009-08-11T23:57:32.278-04:00

I've known this was coming for several weeks. I've just not really had a moment to myself for all of my passing thoughts on the subject to finally catch up with me all at once. I'd find white hairs on my head and stare at them for a couple minutes in the bathroom, feeling what that means. I'd think about it a little here and there. I even tried to talk about it to a couple people but I couldn't

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-85906957265513575132009-07-10T19:33:00.004-04:002009-08-11T23:19:48.796-04:00

Invisible Chronic Illness is one of the most isolating experiences anyone can go through. After having suffered from depression and anxiety most of my life before I got Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (M.E.), I know a lot about social isolation. After having so much therapy and graduating university with a B.A. in psychology, I think I may justifiably call myself an expert on social

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-59900395144509276262009-06-20T21:42:00.003-04:002009-06-20T21:48:32.352-04:00

Just to keep my few yet precious readers in the loop, I should let you all know that in fact I did not have to resign from my ME/CFS awareness organization. The woman who owns the name and the website has left the group, but we are continuing with a new name, WAMCARE (Worldwide Association for ME/CFS Awareness and Research) and are working incessantly with renewed vigour and excitement on a new

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-9489122088628400582009-06-17T04:20:00.002-04:002009-06-17T04:43:43.381-04:00

I'm not sure how much to say about this, not knowing who will read it, but as I've always been totally candid on my blog, I see no reason to stop now. Despite all the fanfare and hooplah I've made about being a part of the Blue Ribbon Campaign, my part in it is now over. It came down to the only way to try to save the organization was for me to leave, and so I did. We put way too much work into

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-41420286633447544842009-06-12T00:50:00.005-04:002009-06-12T01:35:57.906-04:00

This is the last thing I want to admit to myself, the last thing I want to have to write about. But I can't ignore this feeling and the eerie, terrifying familiarity of it. I can't pretend I don't know what it is, or why it's here. I don't want it to be true, I don't want to concede to it that I can't do the things I've promised, that I want to. I am so conflicted. And miserable.Here it is again,

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-62292048891202058782009-06-07T09:17:00.000-04:002009-06-17T04:19:07.203-04:00

If you are familiar with me, then you know that I'm a member of the "BRC Army" - a group of people who advocate for CFS/ME. Right now the organization is run by a tightly-knit group of 6, who found each other via Twitter and Facebook in April and May of this year. Unofficially, we are the "Board", the ones undertaking a flurry of activity, despite our CFS/ME and (two of us) Fibromyalgia. One of

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-15127070098006367142009-05-29T16:46:00.003-04:002009-05-29T18:42:28.108-04:00

I've been writing and thinking a bit lately about motivation (see procrastination label), and keep getting stuck about what to do. I thought I understood the problem, but if that was the case, why was the solution not also apparent? Well, I think I was missing something crucial, because I was only thinking about procrastination, and not lack of motivation.  So I was lying in bed last night, and

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-13601606313013421572009-05-28T22:17:00.000-04:002009-06-17T04:19:07.232-04:00

May 2009 marked the beginning of the Blue Ribbon Campaign and in a short month we've seen the BRC message spread all over the world. Thanks to modern technology like Twitter and Facebook, we've made connections and affected many lives. But we are just getting started!  Before we can make a big impact on research and real help for those of us affected by CFS/ME, we need to register to become a

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-56233781267153091252009-05-20T22:30:00.002-04:002009-05-20T23:33:57.668-04:00

So, I'm reading this book, "If You Had Controlling Parents", and all is well and makes sense, but perhaps all along I'm still thinking it doesn't apply to me quite as strongly as it would some other people. Then I come across this parental report card, where you grade your parents on how well they did the following: Granted you emotional freedomSaw you as a unique person and encouraged your

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-33632056358095203932009-05-14T08:42:00.001-04:002009-05-14T08:44:03.021-04:00

Another XL tweet:@CanoeU I have this overwhelming feeling of nostalgia today. The rain triggered it and I wished I was camping. Cuz even in the rain, we're outdoors and together. Playing cards under a tarp, Nalgene bottles full of rum & mix, or vodka & mix, the lantern attracting the bugs. Now I can't go camping because sleeping even on an air mattress kills me - the over-night damp turns

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-31392125857577567542009-05-13T07:38:00.001-04:002009-08-11T23:48:21.977-04:00

ME/CFS Awareness Day- ME/CFS is not a mental illness - originally posted at The Blue Ribbon Campaign Blog - http://blog.blueribboncampaignforME.orgI felt it was important to write to you personally. It is hard for me to write well now, so I no longer do. However, this is too important to remain silent.The Blue Ribbon Campaign and other activists in the ME/CFS community were assailed today in a

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-10993788905269311402009-05-13T06:09:00.000-04:002009-05-13T06:11:06.119-04:00

Posted moments ago I just thought of the best comeback for a conversation I had a few hours ago! @writeinmovement u may be interested in this! Follow the link for the full tweet. I've been trying to shake off my ex, we broke up near the end of March beginning of April, but we hadn't really seen each other much in the previous 3 weeks, so really it's been over 2 months. He keeps IMing me, I keep

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-18918158485624847322009-05-13T04:00:00.001-04:002009-08-11T23:47:22.235-04:00

Blue Ribbon Campaign Recommended Book Listby @perpetualspiral (a work in progress - me and the list!) Living With Me by Charles Shepherdhttp://www.amazon.ca/Living-Me-Charles-Shepherd/dp/0091816793/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1241086542&sr=1-2Hope and Help for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia by Russell Howe, Alan Logan, Alison Bestedhttp://www.amazon.com/

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-2322666175192746512009-05-10T04:24:00.003-04:002009-05-10T05:48:27.621-04:00

Worst. Feeling. Ever. Nobody knows I exist. Unloved.Woke up back in depressed mind, thinking about Susan Boyle and how I'll never be that good at anything. Thinking about how even though B was incapable of loving me, he wanted to, and he was a warm body in the middle of the night. Thinking about how before I admitted to myself I needed people, I never had to feel this lonely.Feeling guilty

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-77549578209456939002009-05-07T16:08:00.006-04:002009-08-11T23:52:26.983-04:00

So I'm going to whine. I'm so tired. My dishes are dirty, I have nothing easy to eat. I have a headache. The motivation I had last week to DO is dwindling. No that's not really true - the motivation is still there, but there's no energy behind it. There's no urgency, there's the 'what's the point' starting to creep in. So many things I want to do, some started, some promised..and all I want to do

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-7736044558922233892009-05-05T04:04:00.006-04:002009-08-12T00:02:20.782-04:00

Andrea,I just want to share with you my gratitude for what you have given me. However long my ability to contribute to our campaign lasts (hopefully indefinitely) it is you who have provided the necessary catalyst for my finally engaging in meaningful activity. I've often wanted to be involved in some sort of activism, but lacked the belief that I could be effective. You've shown me what a person

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-47110116095385186022009-05-05T00:40:00.001-04:002009-08-11T23:59:00.891-04:00

I've suffered from Invisible Chronic Illness (ICI) most of my life. That's right, even though I've only had fibromyalgia, myofascial pain and fatigue since 2003, clinical depression is also an ICI. My depression started at the age of seven, when my parents divorced, and my brother, mom and I returned to our hometown with the stigma of divorce and lowered income status hanging over our heads.

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-77030919947448696962009-05-04T20:19:00.001-04:002009-08-11T23:59:36.148-04:00

Endometriosis is a serious, incurable, painful disorder that affects approximately 5.5 million women and girls in North America alone; an estimated 89 million women world-wide. It's another example of an invisible illness, and suffers even more stigma for being a 'women's reproductive issue'. But women are the backbone of our society, the world's greatest untapped resource, and make up over 50%

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-68700368105264677462009-05-04T06:10:00.003-04:002009-08-11T23:56:15.402-04:00

Okay it's been twelve hours since I got up intending to write this post, so I don't know if I'll remember much of what I wanted to say, but I remember the essential bit. And that is, there's another element that was missing from my equation to explain my procrastination/paralyzation. And that's this:c. 'what's the point?'And this may be just or more as important than either a) guilt or b)

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-54929486937495108362009-05-03T19:52:00.006-04:002009-05-03T21:12:22.876-04:00

First of all, let me explain why I don't subscribe to the "it's only fair/polite to follow someone back if they are following you" rule. I feel like everyone has a right to decide what they wish to see in their twitter stream. I do try to read every tweet on the page, and I hate scrolling through tens of tweets to get to something interesting to me. I also don't think it's fair of me to force my

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-11755876879905440432009-05-03T00:28:00.003-04:002009-05-03T00:36:24.293-04:00

My new blog is called Perpetual Spiral's Invisible Chronic Illness blog. I've reposted the 'official' Blue Ribbon Campaign for ME post there, so folks won't be distracted and disturbed by my warnings, disclaimers and the crazy contents of this blog. I've also written the first of a series of articles on things that help make life easier for those of us with chronic fatigue and pain. I tried to

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-73053908940882370862009-05-02T13:20:00.000-04:002009-06-17T04:19:07.622-04:00

Those of us who suffer from chronic pain and fatigue have difficult lives. We find ourselves dependent on others for help, unable to do a lot or most of what we would like and/or used to do, and can find the sometimes mundane tasks of everyday living exhausting. Our quality of life suffers immensely, our self-esteem and feelings of autonomy and independence dwindle and dissolve. But there are a

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-49548091739947815952009-05-01T19:43:00.000-04:002009-06-17T04:19:07.637-04:00

That's today, May 1. I didn't know that when I wrote my Blue Ribbon Campaign Post, so how serendipitous was that! Here is a link to another Blogging Against Disablism Blog post, by @redtoffee on Twitter. The Voice Within

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-70801711018228644462009-05-01T19:05:00.005-04:002009-05-01T19:34:24.739-04:00

Finally made it out of the house today, mom picked me up to do some much needed shopping - groceries, dog food etc. I've discovered that my limit for being out of the house is about 1.5 hours. That's when I started to feel like crying. In the middle of Walmart. Because they didn't have my size in the rubber boots I wanted, but can't really afford, but really need. I ended up with cheaper boots

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-36051424127412617992009-05-01T17:51:00.000-04:002009-06-17T04:19:07.590-04:00

I met this woman online, her name is Andrea. She's single-handedly starting an official campaign - the Blue Ribbon Campaign for CFS/ME. The brand-new and daily-expanding website is http://www.blueribboncampaignforME.org. Please visit the site to find out how you can help, to learn about these disorders and how they are neglected and stigmatized by some professionals and especially research

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-60787571801824255562009-05-01T09:47:00.018-04:002009-08-11T23:53:12.898-04:00

May 12 is CFS/ME awareness day. While officially I do not have either diagnosis, they are highly related to fibromyalgia, and I do consider myself now to have developed CFS. I'm pretty sure the only reason I haven't gotten that diagnosis is because I am too tired to go see my doctor about my newfound utter exhaustion. Also, when I tried to bring up my horrible new fatigue with my pain specialist,

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-38997352760663075152009-04-27T22:56:00.002-04:002009-04-27T22:58:30.027-04:00

Last night as I went to bed I thought I might really be ready to starting writing my post on parenting. But today did not go as planned, so I'm writing about procrastination instead. It crept up on me, and I just sort of tweeted it without much thought, but it's actually a bit of a break through, to be able to concisely identify the problem. The tweet: a) doing things for pure enjoyment =

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-54188042431806848992009-04-23T20:04:00.001-04:002009-04-23T20:04:03.388-04:00

They're not on my chest, so whatever.  Gratitude.  Charge: I come into someone's house and make demands.  I've never demanded anything of Jt in my life.  I rarely even ask for anything - I just wait until it is offered.  This is almost the most ridiculous thing she said.  What demands? Charges dismissed for lack of evidence.Jt was so sick she had stopped making jewelry for a long time.  She

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-1442571900017658602009-04-23T16:42:00.001-04:002009-04-23T16:42:07.936-04:00

I'm due to have one of those angry 'fuck it' moments and start all over again from scratch.  I'm so frustrated, I used to think my life was ruled by fear, but frustration has taken over the reins.  I should change my name to perpetualfrustration.  I can't do a fucking thing anymore.  I'm that tired.  And here I am just making it worse by trying to ignore it, by comparing myself to everybody,

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-75947998171579855172009-04-23T13:24:00.007-04:002009-08-12T00:00:28.887-04:00

Too much to write about, I just can't remember it all, so let me start with some more of the charges laid against me, cuz they are still pissing me off. I talked to my therapist about finding the new hate-mail, and she sympathized with my inability to believe that anyone can be so ... pick your adjective. Unbelieveable!Charge: I am a bad Buddhist because I'm 'supposed' to love everyone equally,

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-49825909973467574372009-04-21T20:50:00.001-04:002009-04-21T20:50:31.677-04:00

spent day in Torontosaw therapist and pain specialistgood session & adjusted meds - hopefully now can sleep and stop bad symptomsweather was nice for part of day, unexpectedgot cute pink outfit $10, enjoyed Spadinatowntotal exhaustion, so glad to be homebed straight-away, tho wish I could catch up on Twitter, FB & emailfuller account, maybe, tomorrow Blogged with the Flock Browser

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-38591215769162433492009-04-21T03:26:00.004-04:002009-04-21T03:56:24.387-04:00

The Great Chasm between Jt and I started with (what I thought was) an innocent remark of mine that "Of course, science isn't everything." What I'm able to clarify now is that of there were a unified theory of physics, this argument would never have started. To explain.The great goal of physics -- a ''unified theory'' -- ... would resolve contradictions between Albert Einstein's General Theory of

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-78538255882460339922009-04-20T20:12:00.002-04:002009-04-20T20:13:09.785-04:00

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/usa/article2382104.eceEven beautiful, skinny, blonde, talented, amazing famous people can get slaughtered like I did. I wonder if Gwyneth is on Twitter? We could bitch about our friends-turned-rabid-dogs.Thanks to Niki for this link :) Blogged with the Flock Browser

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-86366985885015859842009-04-20T02:33:00.003-04:002009-08-11T23:55:43.561-04:00

This week I've been getting acquainted with Twitter (and the great people on Twitter), so I don't know how much process/progress I've made. I have periodically thought about the fact that I can't seem to find a way to help people in any consistent way - after realizing (well, being smacked in the face with it) that verbally offering tactful insights into other people's personality is always

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-79109685107808442282009-04-14T22:59:00.004-04:002009-04-14T23:25:32.156-04:00

I listened to HayHouseradio.com again today. First of all, it made me feel better to hear that being an emotinal caller is not unusual, and doesn't necessarily make someone pitiful. I still may have sounded pathetic and pitiful myself, but I don't feel quite so bad about things. Secondly, I listened to Caroline Myss's Sacred Contracts show, and something she said upset me. I wanted to write her

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-64960718900959934042009-04-13T18:04:00.006-04:002009-04-13T18:59:10.093-04:00

Well i think I have sunk to a new sort of low. I am so desperate for help that I actually called a radio show, hosted by Cheryl Richardson, coach and author of the book I just finished, the Art of Extreme Self-Care. Her radio show is on HayHouseRadio.com, a talk station focussed on self-help and living better lives etc. I really liked Cheryl's book, and I thought, what the heck, I will call her

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-59021571844197487072009-04-09T19:57:00.004-04:002009-04-09T20:16:46.561-04:00

Now that I'm done my 3 month adventure in trying to have a love/sex life (for awhile), the focus shifts to some questions asked by my therapist, which seem to me to be at the 'core of the onion' right now. Which means, it's the main or one big thing left standing in my way to the next stage of my life, or so I intuit. The question was posed (in the context of a therapy session): "What would you

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-6064841956929060302008-12-04T13:31:00.004-05:002008-12-04T14:02:46.813-05:00

The second question addressed in the film is the question of evil. How can there be a loving, all-powerful God when there is so much evil and suffering in the world. Again, I garnered two answers given in the film. The first was that evil is a result of humanity's moral free-will. We have the freedom to choose not to do the right thing, and when we choose the wrong thing, evil is created. I

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-42805330617484321752008-12-04T10:18:00.008-05:002008-12-04T12:19:36.912-05:00

I am currently in the middle of this film. After having read The God Delusion, Letter to a Christian Nation, and one of Christopher Hitchens books (but not the most relevant one to this disussion), I thought I should take a look at the rebuttals, just to be sort of fair. Of course, I had made my decision about the existence of God and the value of Christianity long before any of this, but the

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-25713323170850298532008-12-01T09:28:00.007-05:002008-12-01T10:52:41.601-05:00

I spent my whole childhood trying to make life easier for my mother, but she still seemed perpetually exhausted and over-burdened. I worked very hard at being self-sufficient, staying out of the way, not asking for anything or any time, getting good grades, being, in essence, "the perfect child". In the end, my efforts did not seem to help relieve my mother's stress. Nothing changed. Perhaps this

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-2967055719460844212008-11-30T21:03:00.002-05:002008-11-30T21:04:44.992-05:00

I have been noticing the amount of food I eat during a binge has been getting smaller over the past, oh, 3 months. I feel full/sated/whatever with less. I don’t know why, really. Last week, I think on Wednesday, I decided I was going to binge, because I was feeling horribly miserable about my life, lower than I had for a very long time. I don’t beat myself up about my binges anymore, since there

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-15775009061253503652008-11-30T20:24:00.003-05:002008-11-30T20:47:35.785-05:00

Today I notice I procrastinated about something that is not a chore, not "good for me", nothing I usually fight to get myself to do. It was just something I had planned on doing. So now I am rebelling against anything scheduled whatsoever, chores, errands, exercise, fun stuff, everything. The most ridiculous thing about this is some of what I did to put off the 'scheduled' activity - chores.

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-82521570982031707172008-11-28T19:04:00.004-05:002008-11-28T21:14:20.621-05:00

A few days ago, I was ready to be depressed and hopeless for who knows how long. I was so overwhelmed from writing all those entries and really detailing all the things wrong in my life. Usually I live in the pressent, don't think about the big picture, and this allows me to get by day by day with a reasonably positive attitude, though I still procrastinate hugely and have some guilt about the

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-41083349840010887852008-11-28T18:31:00.004-05:002008-11-28T18:59:45.520-05:00

By Louise MaxfieldDuring exposure to a stressor, the brain initiates a cascade of responses. Glucocorticoids are released to mobilize energy, increase cardiovascular activity, and slow down unnecessary physiological processes. Chronic exposure to extremely high levels of glucocorticoids can seriously damage neurons; this is most evident in the hippocampus which contains a high concentration of

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-26907363312294180882008-11-28T09:28:00.003-05:002008-11-28T19:02:57.575-05:00

In my previous entry on sleeping, I didn’t discuss how my chronic pain affects my sleep. Nor did I mention the noise factor. So I should mention these things, just to have the full picture.My apartment is situated on the second-floor, above an often used alleyway. My bed is situated so that my head is directly beside the window, which I have to keep open a crack for air circulation. From early

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-82619298701949020902008-11-28T08:32:00.005-05:002008-11-28T09:07:17.747-05:00

This is a bit of a tangent, relative to what I usually write about in my blog, but I feel compelled to share what I heard on the radio this morning. Every Friday on Kool FM, they play a game of Family Feud. The poll is from people who fill out the Kool Advisory Council Survey, to rate the music they play. The contestant, in this case a woman, has to give 3 of the top 5 answers in order to win

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-24527458505832417002008-11-25T19:17:00.002-05:002008-11-25T19:18:49.949-05:00

Over the past six months, the frequency of me thinking about social anxiety has slowed down to a stop. Really, I don’t even consider myself to have that diagnosis anymore. I still have some problems, but I would say they are on the normal side of the spectrum. I went to a party last month, the guests were mostly people I knew – friends of a friend and her husband. I’d had intermittent contact

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-74709286417518231582008-11-25T18:50:00.002-05:002008-11-25T19:19:47.110-05:00

I have had sleeping difficulties my whole life, or as long as I can remember. I’ve always had trouble falling asleep, as well as being plagued by intense, emotionally-negative dreams. I would not characterize them as nightmares exactly, because they are not usually about being chased or physically hurt or frightened. The majority of my dreams centre around themes of anxiety, such as being lost

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-84144764176873909292008-11-25T17:38:00.002-05:002008-11-25T19:21:00.021-05:00

I’ve signed up for two group courses, both of which I failed to make it to. I’m just no good in the mornings. However, my contact at the clinic keeps calling to find out if I want to try again, so I’ve signed up for the next group in January, in the afternoon. In the meantime, I have been bingeing less often, and extremely rarely do I eat large quantities when I do. Some of this has to do

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-17423051632386803822008-11-25T16:02:00.002-05:002008-11-25T17:15:32.056-05:00

I'm having one of those days (or weeks, since it started yesterday) when it seems everything I try to do turns out badly. Yesterday I actually fell down in my own apartment - I stepped on the side of a pile of blankets and cushions I'm trying to use for a foot rest, turned my ankle, and fell against a chair. I was carrying a pile of materials to return to the library, which fell out of my hands

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-40884906554224985122008-11-18T15:55:00.003-05:002008-11-18T16:18:23.289-05:00

A lot of my remaining "problems" seem to revolve around the deprivation issue, and the voice in my head telling me I should be able to live happily while deprived. That I shouldn't want or ask for more of anything that I'm deprived of. Things I am or have been deprived of include love, health and money, and everything that money can buy - comfort, novelty, excitement, a social life. Not to

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-37928327883397358072008-07-16T18:38:00.005-04:002008-07-16T18:48:40.756-04:00

My therapist suggested I do something like you are doing, having a foot in both worlds (spiritual and secular). It's hard not to be able to share my spiritual and emotional experiences with people, I don't know how you do it (i.e. keep it to yourself). Those are the things I am passionate about, you know? So it's like if I don't share that, people don't know me at all. They don't know what

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-68096693465903804722008-07-04T13:41:00.003-04:002008-07-04T15:36:02.949-04:00

I was writing an email reply to my cousin, K, and started rambling. I do this frequently with her, as I feel comfortable sharing with her, but at some point the email went beyond a letter and became like an entry in my journal. So I decided to send her the first part and then post it here (deleting the more mundane bits) and continue writing until I was done. It's a good thing too, I'm not

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-1197551767309916902008-04-10T20:32:00.003-04:002008-04-10T20:36:05.098-04:00

I'd do the whole Stephen Colbert "I called it!" act if I wasn't so pissed off. Thank you, universe, what lesson was it you were trying to teach me today? Give up, get ten more cats, cuz you're going to be alone the rest of your life? People let you down? As soon as you open up and reach out you are going to get hurt? I would like a break, universe, from all these lessons. Or maybe the

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-29677122100072028772008-04-10T17:07:00.003-04:002008-04-10T17:12:49.136-04:00

Well, it is five o'clock, and I have not heard from R. I have this feeling he is going to let me down today. It would just be the perfect culmination of this whole effing thing. I'm trying not be be so fatalistic, but I know my luck, I know how the universe makes things go for me. I already feel like crap today, nothing like a kick in the head to make it official. I still feel so tired and

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25690400.post-5764110413859305472008-04-09T23:14:00.003-04:002008-04-09T23:53:13.139-04:00

I almost called this my 'failed experiment' but that is not entirely true...yet. I was scheduled to meet 2 people today, one was the guy who stood me up yesterday, another was an older man but very considerate. To be honest, the latter did not stand much of a chance, I did not like his pictures much, but he was so mature, well-'spoken' and open I thought I would at least meet him. I took the

perpetualspiralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16769390702164302344noreply@blogger.com0